Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
