TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
