have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
