And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize