And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
