Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
thus making me awesome and them whores
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
