The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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