Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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