guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
