I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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