Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
