could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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