Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I need to sanitize my soul.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
