On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
