i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
