Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize