The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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