i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
