Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
