bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
