I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
