How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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