dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize