I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
