Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
