I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
