On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
