He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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