The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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