I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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