yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
