So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
