my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
