he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
