Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
