Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
