You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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