I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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