She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
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