You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
