my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize