I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
