She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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