Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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