How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
