rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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