remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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