i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
