Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
