I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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