He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
