what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
