I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
