all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize