i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
