There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
