Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
