sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
