We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
