and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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