I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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