Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
