im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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