So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
