I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize