like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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