just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
