Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
