shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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