Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize